Friday, January 11, 2013

life: sometimes it's just plain hard

today i'm going to do things a little different.  i'm going to get serious.
this is my blog and i can get serious if i darn well want to, right?! :)
 and just to warn you, this is going to be long.

ok so moving on.  today i'm going to talk to you about this crazy roller coaster we call life.

the past two years have been full of ups, downs, tears and laughter.

let's start at the beginning.

this is my wonderful husband and i

we started our love story back in 2006.  on december 18, 2010 we got engaged, and it's been a crazy emotional ride ever since.

a few weeks before we got engaged we noticed that there was something going on with his dad.  his voice was very horse and he didn't seem like he was feeling well.

standing on my mom's porch on christmas day that year, my soon to be husband looked at me with tears in his eyes "we think dad has cancer".

now my husband isn't a crier, so to see him like this was heartbreaking to me.

my first thought was, why us?  this is supposed to be a happy time in our lives.

well in january of 2011 our worst fears were confirmed.  his dad had stage 4 melanoma.  it had spread almost through his entire body.

so now we were engaged, wondering if we needed to postpone the wedding, or move it up, and struggling to accept the news about his dad, when a few weeks after that we found out his brother's girlfriend was pregnant.

so in a month we had an engagement, an illness in the family, and an exciting announcement that a baby was on the way.  an emotional roller coaster ride it was!

the next few months were a blur.  traveling to kentucky to see his dad, getting updates about his dad's health, treatments and etc...  finding out we were going to have a niece was exciting and gave us something to look forward to.  and the wedding planning was a nightmare.  we had moved the date up to september 17th of that year so that gave me minimal time to find a dress, book a place, and do all of the other crazy wedding arrangements that needed to be done.  i was a mess, a crazy emotional mess.  i remember one trip to kentucky in particular.  it was at the beginning of june, and by this time i was in full blown wedding planning mode.  and i was stressed.  before we left we went into his dad's room to say our goodbyes, and i leaned down to kiss his forehead and he said "don't worry about the wedding, it will all work out the way it's supposed to".  and after that i stopped stressing so much.  it's like i was waiting to hear it from him that everything was going to be ok.

a couple of weeks after that at about 4 am, we got a call from his mom.  his dad had passed away.  we knew it was coming, so we were prepared.  LT calmly hung up the phone and breathed a sigh of relief.  it was over.  his dad was in a better place, and a calm seemed to come over him at that time.

it wasn't that we weren't sad, because we were, but his dad had been suffering for months, and knowing that he went peacefully, and that he was finally not suffering anymore made us feel much better about it.

we got up, packed out stuff, and headed to kentucky.  i knew that the next few days were going to be tough, and i had to mentally prepare myself.  this was my first big duty as a wife to be, and i knew i needed to be there for my husband to be.

after everything had died down and a few weeks had passed it was time to move on.  i still had so much to do before the wedding.  i knew that the wedding wouldn't be the same without his dad there, but i also knew that he would want us to enjoy ourselves and not worry about it.

a few weeks before our wedding i got more devastating news.  one of my sorority sisters had passed away.  her name was jenna.  i had been talking to her a few days before that about what she was going to wear to my wedding.  she was so excited about it.  it was such a shock.

it's crazy how one minute someone is in your life and the next their gone.

when our wedding day finally came i was beyond ready.  and just like his dad said, everything worked out the way it was supposed to.

everything was perfect.  and as we were saying i do, two black butterflies started flying between us.  i couldn't help but wonder if it was a sign from his dad.  it was beautiful!

after our wonderful day, and a wonderful honeymoon, we came back home just in time to see our niece enter the world.

she was absolutely beautiful, and perfect in every way.

it's been exactly two years since we found out about his dad's illness, and everything is finally starting to fall into place.  
we've been going through some marriage struggles lately, and last night it was time to sit down and talk.  he has alot going on at work, and our communication skills haven't been the best lately.
 and sometimes i'll be honest, i wonder if i can even do it.  it's hard.  marriage isn't easy.  life isn't easy.

i guess my point in all this is, life isn't always a fairytale.  it's hard, and you're going to have bumps in the road.  but if you keep on praying and trusting in God, things will get easier.  we've been through alot in the past two years, but we're still together, and despite all of the fighting, and crying, and the "you don't appreciate me fits", we're still moving forward.  so to all of you out there who think there is no hope, or if you're having marriage troubles, and you're ready to give up... just pray.  and i'll pray for you to.  because it is hard.  but every bump in the road makes you a stronger person in the end.  


  1. This was so touching. I'm sorry to hear about you father-in-law, but you're right, he's in a better place now.

    Not that I get excitement from reading about others struggles, but it's refreshing when you get to see the real (not so perfect) part of people's lives through blogs. I did the same thing yesterday and it was pretty theraputic!

  2. this gave me goosebumps! I loved the part about the two black butterflies, I agree that it was totally a sign from his dad. I'm so sorry about your sorority sister too, breaks my heart!

  3. I agree totally. This road isn't easy. We were not promised that it would be easy, but we were promised an eternal life where there wouldn't be tears, sadness, or pain. We can cling to those promises and know that one day when this life is over we will be reunited with those that have gone before us once again and live a life of happiness with our maker. Have a great weekend.

  4. I nominated you for the Liebster Awards!

  5. I love you my sweet, sweet best friend!! So proud of you for posting this :) God has BIG plans for you and LT- don't let anything or anyone get you down!

  6. You have such a great attitude about how hard marriage and life is. Thanks for being brave enough to stand up and say that life is hard because some of us have a very hard time saying that out loud.

    I love reading your blog and I gave you a Liebster Award

  7. Marriage is hard, and life is so up and down. It's ok to be real about it, especially here! This is your blog! Loved this post.



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