Monday, June 3, 2013

a baby...

a word that gives me so many emotions.  a baby is a gift from god, a miracle.  something that will change your life forever.
a baby is something that i want more than anything.

this post may sound silly to some of you, but this is something that is hard for me to talk about.

 i'm 27 years old with baby fever so bad that i can't stand it.  but there is one problem...
my husband isn't ready.
it's a subject that is painful to talk about in our household.  a subject that gets avoided as much as possible.  
before we got married, we talked about it and both agreed that we wanted children one day.  if  i had my choice, i would have been prego on our honeymoon...
but he wants to wait.  and i feel like the wait keeps getting longer and longer.
this has been hard for me to deal with.  i have to log onto facebook everyday and see someone else announcing their pregnancy.  don't get me wrong, i'm happy for all of them, but i can't help but be extremely jealous.  they have something that i want.
i find myself feeling anger toward them.  i know that isn't right.  jealously isn't a good thing.

i pray about it constantly.  i pray for comfort and peace on this subject.  i pray that my husband will be ready soon. i pray and pray and pray.

it's so hard for me to understand that God does indeed have a plan for my husband and i, and for some reason a baby is not in that plan right now.  i do hope that one day it will be.  i hope that i can put this in the back of my mind, and focus on other things going on in my life, but a baby always seems to creep back into my mind.
it's so painful to see post after post about pregnancy announcements, getting the nursery ready, picking out baby names...
i wish that i could feel happiness for those people, but instead i feel sad.  i feel empty.

i wanna ask a favor for all of my followers.
please say a prayer for me. please pray that i find comfort in the fact that it's not my time to be a mom.  pray that i will understand that God is in control.


10 comments:

  1. Every time I try to talk to my husband about this he changes the subject. I think the thought scares men and they will never be "ready"

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know I am one of those "pregnant" bloggers you are talking about lol...but I wanted to comment anyways. I had ALL of these same feelings, but towards my married friends. I wanted to be married right out of college and it was so hard for me to go through years of desperately wanting something I didn't have. I also was dying to get pregnant, and when we struggled with that I would feel the same with seeing all of my friends announcing they were pregnant and talking about baby stuff. I had to pray a lot and get to the point where I could be content with my life, right where I was...and you know what? In both situations, when I finally got to that point, I met my husband and I found myself pregnant. It's easier said than done friend (:

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am in the exact same boat as you. I am approaching 31 this summer and I know I still have to wait a year or so to even begin trying if we want the situation to be better for a baby/family (hubby is in grad school right now). It is so frustrating. It is so hard to see everyone getting pregnant and enjoying this phase of their life. (Even my sister in law is finding out the sex of her baby TODAY! I am so happy for her, but it's just difficult.)
    Prayers for both of us! I constantly remind myself that I need to accept the current situation and enjoy life as it is. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey Jennifer,

    Thanks for having the courage to post this. THESE are the post I like to read. The real life stuff. I'm getting married next year. I'm 28 and I want kids so bad too. I definitely want to have "us" time but I don't want to wait that long. Because, to be honest, it's never the RIGHT time. My soon-to-be mother in law told me that last month. Even when you think you are ready, you probably aren't. But even when you aren't ready, you still might be. There is never a right time, you just gotta do it at some point because life is always going to be crazy. There really is never a down time especially as you get older. It's hard to balance work-life-career-family-marraige, even when you don't have kids. So your husband may say it's not the right time, but really....when is? Your time will come but always have open communication with your husband about this. Thanks for posting this and I will send a prayer your way.

    Ginny
    www.buttergirldiaries.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am feeling that way about getting engaged! I feel like an awful friend when I am almost "jealous" of them getting engaged, and I am not. I really am happy for them, but it brings up some rough feelings. I know my boyfriend wants it to be special and have everything in order, but I am so ready.
    I am sorry you're going through this and I will definitely have you in my thoughts.
    Good luck with everything!

    20somethingbusinesswoman.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you for posting this. I know how hard it is, I'm in the same boat with wanting a baby so badly, but we'll get there (easier said than done)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, sweet girl, I am praying for you that you find comfort and peace in the knowledge that God has you wrapped up in His everloving arms and that He will give you all of the desires of your heart!! It's the hardest thing in the world sometimes to trust completely that God has a plan just for you, and He knows your heart and feels your longing and to trust all of that but it can also be the easiest thing. So much love to you, darling girl. <3

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you so much for sharing your raw & honest feelings! It's soo relate-able! I will say a prayer for you, Jennifer. It sounds like you have such a big heart and you are ready to extend the love you feel to a child of your own. It's a hard subject to talk about when the two of you are on different pages - I know a little bit of what you may be feeling as my husband and I have had similar conversations (or lack there of) about expanding our family as well. I have extreme baby (#2) fever and he is okay with waiting. I find the more we talk about it, the more peace I feel about it, to be honest. (Though, it can be painful at times.)

    I am one of those ladies who got pregnant on the honeymoon and I was CRUSHED, to be honest with you. I felt so robbed of the alone time with my husband. I've since come to terms and feel better about it - but it is hard at times. I just wanted to offer additional perspective!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can't even imagine how tough that has got to be. I am so blessed that my husband and I seem to be on the same page with when we will have children. I will definitely be praying for you that you find peace as God giudes you toward where He wants you before you have a child!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I can relate to this post too even though my husband and I knew we wanted to start a family immediatley b/c of our age.
    When we did start we struggled with infertility for 2-years. I actually logged off Facebook for 6-months during our struggles and it was the best thing ever. I found myself jealous and made at close friends. It's really hard.
    You can read our struggle here.
    http://deewallaceadventures.blogspot.com/2012/05/infertility.html

    I'm your newest follower.. xo

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...