Monday, August 26, 2013

friendships- the negative and the positive

i had this big vma post all ready to go today, and then i changed my mind.  i could sit here and write about how slutty ridiculous miley cyrus looked last night, or how i screamed like a little girl when nsync came onstage.  or even when taylor swift called out harry styles.  but i'm not going to do any of that (oh wait i just did).

anyway, moving on...
today i'm going to talk to you about friendships.  the good, the bad and the ugly.

i had a moment today.  one of those, oh crap i'm feeling anxious moments.  i hate those!  let me tell you why.  i have an issue.  i feel like the friendships i had a few years ago aren't there anymore.  and i don't mean to sit here and whine like a little girl, but sometimes i feel like i'm in middle school all over again.  

i have certain friendships where i'm constantly feeling the need to fit in, or feeling like i'm not "cool" enough or "perfect" enough for them.  i don't drive a super fancy car, or live in a gigantic mansion, and i'm definitely not rich.  and sometimes i feel like i need to be to keep certain friendships going.

other times i feel like i'm the "hellion" in certain situations.  i don't listen to Christian music 24/7.  i don't go to church every wednesday and sunday.  i enjoy my alcoholic beverages every once in a while, and yes i say a cuss word when i'm frustrated sometimes.  there are times where i feel out of place because of the lifestyle i live.

and then there are the friends i have who like me for who i am.  they don't judge me for having a glass of wine, or saying the word "shit" once in a while.  and if i lived in a shack they wouldn't care any less.  they accept me for the way i am.

and then it hit me.  i'm at that age that my mother warned me about when i was younger.  the "if you can count your close friends on one hand consider yourself lucky" age.  yup i'm there.  it's happened, i've hit it.

so where am i getting at with this post you ask?  i promise it has a point. 
 if something makes you unhappy or feel anxious, then you probably need to get rid of it.  get rid of the negativity in your life.  and no i'm not telling you to pull the "we aren't friends anymore" card.  but if there is a certain group of friends who you feel out of place with, then they probably aren't real friends.

it's time for me to focus on the positive things in my life.  the people who love me for me, and not someone they think i am.  the ones who don't care if i go to lunch without my makeup on.  those are the friends to hang onto.

i have so much to be thankful for.  i have a loving husband, loving family, sweet little fur babies, a great job, and wonderful friends who i can be myself around.  i'm tired of trying to fit in.  i mean come on i'm 27, if i don't fit in with certain people now, i'm never going to.

so my message to you is cherish the true friendships you have.  stop trying to be friends with someone who you probably shouldn't be friends with.  listen to your heart, and if  you can count your true friends on one hand, consider yourself lucky.
thanks mom ;-)


  1. Oh Jennifer I love love loved this so much because I too am facing this dilema. I have rid myself of a bunch of friends in the last 5 years. Some of which I really liked but for various reasons like you mentioned above, it just wasn't working for me and it just wasn't worth it. Period. I MUST HAVE friends who don't mind if I say shit, drink wine, and don't wear makeup. (I'm one of those girls with huge bags under her eyes and without concealer, it's scary.) So I too, need women who I can be real with. That is hard, isn't it? I'm abotu to get married and I have 4 bridesmaids and I'm proud of it. I have since deleted Facebook because I just don't care to try to impress ppl anymore.
    Our moms are so right and my mom said that quotes to me a million times...must be a southern thing but if it isn't damn true. I'm so glad you gave that quote again becuase it hits home. You need quality friends. Not a huge quantity of them. Once you get so many friends, thats why shit starts hitting teh fan. I feel like if I can contain myself to a few amazing friends, life is so much better <3


    ps: i also thought about a VMA post today too but changed my mind. Haha. It's just exhausting and I think we all agree that Miley is a HAM.

  2. Thank you so much for posting this today! I needed exactly what you wrote! I hate getting to that age where you realize the things your mom warned you about are coming true. Its so easy to have friends when you are surrounded by them every day in class, your apartment, and social events. Once you're working full time and have a serious relationship and adult responsibilities, it becomes more difficult to maintain those friendships. I also think as we grow older, it can be hard to let go of the friends you have sort of "out grown", but I also think thats important to do. Thank you for writing this and reminding me of the things I need to be grateful for.
    - Libby

  3. This is such a beautiful post! I'm only 19 and I can gladly admit that I can count my best friends on my fingers too. I'm so happy to have grown out of the whole 'I need the most friends' phase and when I look at the drama on Facebook with other people and their friends, I'm so glad I've found my rocks to lean on while everyone else my age is still struggling to find true friends and dealing with stupid high school dramas. Friendship is such a beautiful and powerful thing, it's nice to say my best friends are like family too. Thanks for this great post!

  4. LOVE this. And I love what your mom said. Truer words have never been spoken. :)


  5. This is so true in every way. I'm 28 and over the last 2-3 years have had the same experience as you - this is definitely "that age" that your mama always told you about!

    Eventually you'll feel great about the memories you created in the past with excitement towards the new friends and memories you'll make in the future. It really isn't a bad thing that we all go towards new experiences and away from old. How boring would life be with no changes?!!

    Thanks for sharing - so much better than hearing about Miley A-GAIN. :)

  6. I am 27, and am agreeing with this post 110%! I really feel like this is me right now. Im at that weird age where all my friends have young kids and everyone compares or brags about what their kid is doing and talking about how much the tuition on their kids private school is. Its just a big rat race!

  7. I went through this a couple of years ago and ridded myself of friends who were not very uplifting. It baffles my husband who, in one way wasn't that crazy about them to begin with - but in another way thinks I need to reunite.
    My deal now is -- I'm a parent and a wife and those are my first responsibilities. And, with that, I need to surround myself with people who are positive and drama free. Great post today.

  8. Oh man, I love this. We're pretty much the same person, ha! Since B is a deacon (scary word!), I feel like people are watching us EVEN more than they used to. Heck, it may be in my head. I am by no means perfect & I sure as heck don't try to appear to be, like some people. UGH. I, obviously, like to drink wine. We go to wineries. Sometimes Christian are the hardest & quickest ones to judge. We don't need people like that in our lives! Jesus drank wine. I actually just had a similar conversation with B this past weekend about friendships. There are two of my girl friends, that the past few months I have asked about going out to eat or just simply hang out. They either "can't" (but can go out with other 'wild' people, who aren't like me) or we'll make plans & they'll back out. I'm tired of it. It's making me tired & I ain't got time for that! I'm a wife & that comes first, but I think everyone should make time for their true friends. I asked B, "am I that bad of a friend?" ha yes, I was def having a moment! He said, "what?! No! You're the best friend that anyone could have!" I would drop everything in a heart beat for my friends, but I'm tired of people not doing the same, ya know!? okay, I'm getting off my soapbox now! hahahah! Love ya!

  9. This makes me incredibly happy. I'm so proud of you for realizing this! You go girl!!

  10. Amen!! I love this! I've been stressing about the friendships I've had that have grown apart... but if anything? It's HAS taught me to cherish the true friendships I do have!

  11. You're amazing, I am your friend :)

  12. Love this. I was just stressing about the same thing this morning and I agree I need to cherish the friendships I have and quit worrying about the ones I wish I had.

  13. I realize this is an older post, but I just found your blog and was reading back on a few of your posts. I think you and I are in the exact same spot. In fact, I actually said "I'm 27, if I don't fit in by now I never will!" a couple days ago to my husband. It's a hard realization to come to. You're right, though. Friendships should just feel good--and the ones that don't feel good just need to slip away. I'm really glad I found your blog. And I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this. I see from your sidebar that you're an NC blogger--I am too. I live outside of the Raleigh area.



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